Knowing Who You Are In The Face of Epilepsy

Hello & welcome back to A Look at Disney, anyone that has read any of my past blogs knows that I have brought up my epilepsy in the past such as when I discussed Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch, that was the basis for that article. It's been years since I first wrote that article and almost 8 years since I've had a seizure but the fear of having one will never subside and after listening to my favorite song from Moana,   I've somewhat realized that this song can help me to express what it feels like for me at times.







And while I understand that was not the intent of the song,  it does help me to express what it feels likes.  With that, I want to look at some of the lyrics from this song and explain how they have helped me to somewhat cope with that this is a part of my life.

I have crossed the horizon to find you
I know your name

When Moana uses these lines to calm Te Ka down and show the goddess compassion,  I am reminded of all the times, that whenever I would go into one of my seizures (Sometimes up to 20 a day), I always had a support system there for me as my mom and dad would come to my aid and look after me until I had calmed down and everything had returned to normal. This is the easy part to talk about. 

They have stolen the heart from inside you

And this is where things get a little harder to talk about, while I never had my heart taken from me a la Te Fiti, I did feel as though that for the longest time,  epilepsy had stolen part of my life away from me at times.  And I'm sure that others might have felt that way and for people living with something that they cannot control, this is a common feeling.  As there were times, I wanted to view my seizures as something physical that I could take my frustrations out on and just make them leave me alone that way.  Sadly,  things don't work that way.

But this does not define you

This is not who you are

You know who you are

And this is where the things get the hardest to talk about as I mentioned in the opening,  the fear of my seizures will never go away and that also ties into the biggest fear that I have, people treating me differently because of my seizures.  I was always afraid in high school that if someone found out, I had epilepsy, that is all they would see and not a person.  It's been ten years since I graduated high school but there are still days, I have those thoughts at.   It's hard but just as Moana states here, I have to remind myself that they do not define me.  Instead, they are just a part of my life that like to pop up every so often. 

Being older, I am able to see that they do not define me but as a kid growing up with epilepsy, that is how it felt at times.   And even if I do fall into that thought process, this song is there to remind that they do not define me. 


I hope that you've enjoyed this more personal blog but this is something that I really had to write.  Peace!